Basketball Studette

I stopped exercising about 8 years ago when I started going to Africa because every time I jogged people would shout, "Who is chasing you?"

This video is a homage to my more athletic days.....



***P.S. Thanks Jared for this video montage, for highlighting only my good shots, creating JPI, AND even letting me be the first girl in the league!

27 things

For my birthday I decided to list off 27 things I’ve learned in 27 years. Well hopefully I’ve learned more than 27, but these are just the really deep ones.

1.) My biggest strengths and weaknesses haven’t really changed and they are the same thing: Really strong opinions.
• For better: I’ve always known what I wanted. Over time I realize that this is one of the greatest gifts I’ve been blessed with. It’s easy to work for what you want, the hard part is figuring out what you want.
• For worse: I often alienate people, have a hard time with criticism, and it doesn’t take more than a couple of conversations for people to never bring up issues I care about again.

2.) The best decision I made in my entire life was to be madly, head-over-heels, in love with the man I married, “Body and soul.”

3.) It is amazing how totally similar and completely different people in the same family can be. But no matter how well you know each other, circumstances change, everyone follows their own path, and people can surprise you.

4.) I have good friend-dar. The friends I made as a kid are still the ones I love, the friends I make now last a lifetime. Friends are really important in my life.

5.) The main lesson I learned from the last 7 years of Anthropology is that two people can see the exact same world in absolutely different ways and they can both be right and equally justified.

6.) Ecclesiastes was right, there is a season for everything. Life is really long. It doesn’t end at marriage, or empty nest, or retirement. Throughout it all you change a lot.

7.) Everyone in the world deserves a great sex life!

8.) People might surprise you, but relationships don’t change that much. People who I admired, competed against, went to for help or those who got me excited, calmed me down, never judged, always expected a lot, made me laugh, wanted to fix me, needed my help, inspired me, drained me, etc. Are the same people with whom I have the same relationship today.

9.) It goes against my anxiety-prone sometimes-OCD nature, but I am the happiest when I don’t take anything too seriously.

10.) I’m the saddest when I succumb to my contentious self and constantly worry about what other people are thinking of me.

11.) I learn the most from people who tell their life stories, dreams, goals, memories, desires, etc. Especially people who talk about how they’ve overcome adversity, discrimination, sexism, etc.

12.) There is nothing better than a great scenic road trip with people you love.

13.) I feel the most at home surrounded by like-minded people. It’s worth all the time and money it takes to foster experiences together. It is so refreshing.

14.) Honesty really is the best policy. I’ve learned that 100% honesty, when done kindly, reduces passive aggressive communication, misunderstandings, resentment, and regret.

15.) I’m grateful I was taught good work ethic. Hard work really has always paid off in the end.

16.) I’ve stopped beating myself up for my chronic procrastination. I always mope around for about 2 weeks before a big deadline thinking, I really should be working on_______. I do all the usual things: watch TV, cook meals, decide to do a project, clean the house for the first time in a while, etc. Ultimately, I pull it off. In fact, this year I realized that I statistically have ALWAYS pulled it off in the end, i.e. never turned in a paper late, never gotten a horrible grade, never given a completely lame speech, etc. So….this year I tried a new tactic. I stopped getting mad or depressed about it and started praising myself for being so innately aware of my ability to cram that I just know when to start and how long it will take! It’s worked so far and the procrastination time is a lot more fun!

17.) It is more important to me that people are kind and loving and generous and tolerant, than if they are righteous or rich or prestigious or respected.

18.) It is really important that people feel unconditionally loved; that just because you are human, alive, and part of my life you deserve love. It can’t be based on accomplishment or good behavior, but should be a natural human right.

19.) Trust is more important than things or money. I learned this from a friend who would always loan out expensive things— like her car or apt— to friends. She once said that, “You can buy new stuff if they mishandle what you lent them, but the feeling of trust that that person just felt by giving them something valuable, is priceless.”

20.) Most people like being asked bold questions. If done sincerely and at the right moment, What is your biggest fear? Saddest moment? Biggest struggle right now? Ultimate wish? When were you happiest? How’s your marriage? etc. can open so many windows of communication that take years to get to otherwise. And sometimes bold questions are exactly what people need.

21.) I’ve learned from a muse of mine (V.G. at Exponent II retreats) that I’ve done the work, I’ve gained a testimony, and I have every right as the guy sitting next to me at church to have and state my opinions and promptings about issues no matter how they differ from the rest.

22.) “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Laurel Thatcher Ulrich (another muse from Exponent)

23.) I have a deep impulse to cause change that runs so deep in my veins I’d swear it’s been there for many lifetimes and the reason I’m here on earth. Change in my students’ perspectives, change in the world, change in people’s lives, change in politics, change in culture, change for women, etc. (and I’m still naïve enough to think I can/will do it.)

24.) I still haven’t learned how to be enough or my value. I’ll always say yes to the next job offer even if I don’t need or want it, I constantly work for free because it would be rude to ask someone to pay for my knowledge, I don’t know how to negotiate, I’m grateful that someone wants me for ___, rather than asking if I even want it, etc.

25.) It is really hard to make a big change (i.e. finishing school, starting a family, moving) when you love your life. Can it get any better or is it all downhill from here?

26.) I LOVE my life. I wouldn’t change a thing. (I might’ve changed things in the past—but the present is exactly where I want to be and with the people I want to be with). That feels nice.

27.) As much as I’ve grown, I’m pretty much the same freckle faced four-eyed second-grader that wanted to be the President of the United States when she grew up and was told that she couldn’t because she was a girl. Maybe not that specific, but I haven’t changed all that much. I still think anything is possible…..even if I am a girl.

Follow-up.

I don't know why I feel compelled to explain the feelings I've been having about the church for the last couple of years on my blog- maybe it is because I've recently begun to realize how many other people feel the same way as I do. They just say it better. In my life I always feel like the black sheep, the strange one, "why do I care so much?", what's the big deal, etc. It has been nice to have a little bit more time off, to be able to read about the spiritual ups and downs of friends, and also some of the battles others face with the church. It makes me feel so much more normal and justified. Plus, I am so bad at explaining myself and always engender anger and resistence, I want to include the words of others that just explain it better. For example, I've included below the comments of Richard Bushman where he wonderfully addresses why people doubt, what they are feeling, and what they need. I appreciate his willingness to ask the tough questions and appreciate this conference that seeks to get at this information.

"The following is Richard Bushman's introduction to the 2008 summer seminar, “Joseph Smith and His Critics,” given July 29, 2008. I also have a poor mp3 recording of the paper and in the next week or so I plan on blogging any additions Bushman made in reading the paper to the group. For my thoughts on the seminar in general, see "Preliminary Thoughts on the 2008 Bushman Seminar," and "Follow-up Thoughts on the 2008 Bushman Seminar." For notes on the presentations themselves, see Juvenile Instructor's "Notes on the 2008 Bushman Seminar," parts one and two.
Introduction Richard Bushman Increasingly teachers and church leaders at all levels are approached by Latter-day Saints who have lost confidence in Joseph Smith and the basic miraculous events of church history. They doubt the First Vision, the Book of Mormon, many of Joseph’s revelations, and much besides. They fall into doubt after going on the Internet and finding shocking information about Joseph Smith based on documents and facts they had never heard before. A surprising number had not known about Joseph Smith’s plural wives. They are set back by differences in the various accounts of the First Vision. They find that Egyptologists do not translate the Abraham manuscripts the way Joseph Smith did, making it appear that the Book of Abraham was a fabrication. When they come across this information in a critical book or read it on one of the innumerable critical Internet sites, they feel as if they had been introduced to a Joseph Smith and a Church history they had never known before. They undergo an experience like viewing the famous picture of a beautiful woman who in a blink of an eye turns into an old hag. Everything changes. What are they to believe? Often church leaders, parents, and friends, do not understand the force of this alternate view. Not knowing how to respond, they react defensively. They are inclined to dismiss all the evidence as anti-Mormon or of the devil. Stop reading these things if they upset you so much, the inquirer is told. Or go back to the familiar formula: scriptures, prayer, church attendance.The troubled person may have been doing all of these things sincerely, perhaps even desperately. He or she feels the world is falling apart. Everything these inquirers put their trust in starts to crumble. They want guidance more than ever in their lives, but they don’t seem to get it. The facts that have been presented to them challenge almost everything they believe. People affected in this way may indeed stop praying; they don’t trust the old methods because they feel betrayed by the old system. Frequently they are furious. On their missions they fervently taught people about Joseph Smith without knowing any of these negative facts. Were they taken advantage of? Was the Church trying to fool them for its own purposes?These are deeply disturbing questions. They shake up everything. Should I stay in the Church? Should I tell my family? Should I just shut up and try to get along? Who can help me? At this point, these questioners go off in various directions. Some give up on the Church entirely. They find another religion or, more likely these days, abandon religion altogether. Without their familiar Mormon God, they are not sure there is any God at all. They become atheist or agnostic. Some feel the restrictions they grew up with no longer apply. The strength has been drained out of tithing, the Word of Wisdom, and chastity. They partly welcome the new freedom of their agnostic condition. Now they can do anything they please without fear of breaking the old Mormon rules. The results may not be happy for them or their families. Others piece together a morality and a spiritual attitude that stops them from declining morally, but they are not in an easy place. When they go to church, , they are not comfortable. Sunday School classes and Sacrament meeting talks about Joseph Smith and the early church no longer ring true. How can these people believe these “fairy tales,” the inquirers ask. Those who have absorbed doses of negative material live in two minds: their old church mind which now seems naive and credulous, and their new enlightened mind with its forbidden knowledge learned on the internet and from critical books.A friend who is in this position described the mindset of the disillusioned member this way:“Due to the process of learning, which they have gone through, these [two-minded] LDS often no longer accept the church as the only true one (with the only true priesthood authority and the only valid sacred ordinances), but they see it as a Christian church, in which good, inspired programs are found as well as failure and error. They no longer consider inspiration, spiritual and physical healing, personal and global revelation limited to the LDS church. In this context, these saints may attend other churches, too, where they might have spiritual experiences as well. They interpret their old spiritual experiences differently, understanding them as testimonies from God for them personally, as a result of their search and efforts, but these testimonies don’t necessarily have to be seen as a confirmation that the LDS church is the only true one. “Since the social relationships between them and other ward (or stake) members suffer (avoidance, silence, even mobbing) because of their status as heretics, which is usually known via gossip, and since the extent of active involvement and range of possible callings are reduced because of their nonconformity in various areas, there is a risk that they end up leaving the church after all, because they are simply ignored by the majority of the other members.” He then offers a recommendation:“It is necessary that the church not only shows more support and openness to these ‘apostates’ but also teaches and advises all members, bishops, stake presidents etc., who usually don’t know how to deal with such a situation in terms of organizational and ecclesiastical questions and – out of insecurity – fail to treat the critical member with the necessary love and respect that even a normal stranger would receive.” Those are the words of someone who has lost belief in many of the fundamentals and is working out a new relationship to the Church. Other shaken individuals recover their belief in the basic principles and events but are never quite the same as before. Their knowledge, although no longer toxic, gives them a new perspective. They tend to be more philosophic and less dogmatic about all the stories they once enjoyed. Here are some of the characteristics of people who have passed through this ordeal but managed to revive most of their old beliefs. 1. They often say they learned the Prophet was human. They don’t expect him to be a model of perfect deportment as they once thought. He may have taken a glass of wine from time to time, or scolded his associates, or even have made business errors. They see his virtues and believe in his revelations but don’t expect perfection.2. They also don’t believe he was led by revelation in every detail. They see him as learning gradually to be a prophet and having to feel his way at times like most Church members. In between the revelations, he was left to himself to work out the methods of complying with the Lord’s commandments. Sometimes he had to experiment until he found the right way. 3. These newly revived Latter-day Saints also develop a more philosophical attitude toward history. They come to see (like professional historians) that facts can have many interpretations. Negative facts are not necessarily as damning as they appear at first sight. Put in another context along side other facts, they do not necessarily destroy Joseph Smith’s reputation. 4. Revived Latter-day Saints focus on the good things they derive from their faith–the community of believers, the comforts of the Holy Spirit, the orientation toward the large questions of life, contact with God, moral discipline, and many others. They don’t want to abandon these good things. Starting from that point of desired belief, they are willing to give Joseph Smith and the doctrine a favorable hearing. They may not be absolutely certain about every item, but they are inclined to see the good and the true in the Church. At the heart of this turmoil is the question of trust. Disillusioned Latter-day Saints feel their trust has been betrayed. They don’t know whom to trust. They don’t dare trust the old feelings that once were so powerful, nor do they trust church leaders. They can only trust the new knowledge they have acquired. Those who come back to the Church are inclined to trust their old feelings. Their confidence in the good things they knew before is at least partially restored. But they sort out the goodness that seems still vital from the parts that now seem no longer tenable. Knowledge not only has given them a choice, it has compelled them to choose. They have to decide what they really believe. In the end, many are more stable and convinced than before. They feel better prepared to confront criticism openly, confident they can withstand it. - - - - The members of the seminar on “Joseph Smith and His Critics,” a group of Religious Education and CES faculty who met at BYU for six weeks in the summer of 2008, are among those who have known Latter-day Saints in this state of confusion and doubt. We have had many opportunities to talk to questioners about their problems and admit that we have often fallen short in our answers. We came together in hopes of learning to do better. Besides gathering information on a series of specific issues, we have discussed how best to deal with questioning Saints. What way of speaking is most likely to win their trust and convince them we have their best interests at heart? We began by agreeing that criticisms of Joseph Smith should not be dismissed as foolish or purely evil. The negative attacks that disturb first-time readers are usually based on facts, not merely prejudiced fabrications. To play down the force of the criticism, we believe, only convinces the seekers that we do not understand. We appear to be sweeping trouble under the rug. They may have been devastated by a criticism; we must show that we understand why. Consequently, the seminar took as its first principle to state the negative argument as fully and accurately as we can. We try not to minimize the difficulty or prejudice the case against the critic. In no other way can we persuade the doubters that we understand the problem. Secondly, we try to avoid dogmatic answers. Rather than replace the dogmatic negative attacks of the critics with our own dogmatic answers, we attempt to show that a more positive interpretation is possible. Critics often claim that Joseph’s sins were so egregious as to utterly disqualify him as a prophet. We can understand their viewpoint, but we think there is another side to the story. Rather than destroy the critics, we want to loosen their grip. In the long run, we believe this approach will persuade questioners more effectively than claims to certainty where none is possible. We believe in stating our own strong convictions about the church as a whole, but we do not to pretend to perfect knowledge about complex historical questions. We know that airing criticisms troubles many Latter-day Saints. Like most Church teachers, the members of the seminar do not want to draw attention to questions that will only unsettle faithful members. But we also feel that silence is not the answer. The absence of instruction troubles questioners more than anything. They feel they have been betrayed because they came through their Church classes ignorant of the devastating information now a few clicks away on the internet. The gaps in their education leave them disillusioned and angry. To counteract this lack of preparation, the seminar members have taken as our motto the scripture that begins: “As all have not faith, teach one another” (D&C 88:118). We are encouraged by the scriptural recognition that not all have faith, and by the appealing remedy, “teach one another.” For many questioners, loneliness is the heart of the problems. No one seems to understand. We are enjoined by this scripture to find these seekers and bring them into a fellowship of inquiry. We hope that our papers will help Church teachers create safe havens where questions may be asked and answers explored--where we can teach one another."
____________________________________________
Richard L. Bushman is a Professor Emeritus of History, Columbia University, the current holder of the Howard W. Hunter visiting professorship in Mormon studies at Claremont Graduate University, and author of the recent biography Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling. The image is from Meridian Magazine's "Library of Congress Explores the Impact of Joseph Smith," by Page (Townsend) Johnson.

This link was: http://www.lifeongoldplates.com/2008/08/bushmans-introduction-to-joseph-smith.html

http://projectdeseret.com/?p=83

I've included this link to a friend/rommate's blog entry called: "In defense of the dissidents" because it really explains how I feel about the church right now. I can never explain myself well. I always fumble, or express too strong of opinions that push everyone away rather than helping them understand what I am saying and why I feel so strongly about things. I think she does a much better job than I do at explaining the conundrum of being a part of something with so many contraditions: feminist in a Patriarchal system, spirit of the law vs. letter of the law, personal agency vs. obedience, love vs. prejudice, etc. And the overwhelming desire to continue being a part of this thing but needing to incite change....somehow......but feeling like your change seeking is rejected at every turn- and you are left feeling more stupid, alone, justified- but embittered, the more you push. This may not make sense to some- but to those it does- Ashley's blog entry explains it better.

Anthropologists Develop New Approach To Explain Religious Behavior

ScienceDaily (2008-09-10) -- Without a way to measure religious beliefs, anthropologists have had difficulty studying religion. Now, two anthropologists from the University of Missouri and Arizona State University have developed a new approach to study religion by focusing on verbal communication, an identifiable behavior, instead of speculating about alleged beliefs in the supernatural that cannot actually be identified. ... > read full article

This blog will be dead for a year (not that I update it anyway)

Please go to http://partyinghana.blogspot.com/ to read about our year traveling Europe and living in Ghana, West Africa.